vday

A Blood Theatre Guide to Valentine’s Day

So Valentine’s Day is tomorrow and you have nothing prepared. Dropped the ball once again did ya? Well that’s alright, because I am here to help. Just follow this guide to make this Valentine’s Day, next Valentine’s day, even just a random Tuesday UNFORGETTABLE. Be sure to include each of the elements listed below for ultimate satisfaction!

She's going to make you work for it.  (My Bloody Valentine 3D)

She’s going to make you work for it.
(My Bloody Valentine 3D)

THE CHASE
Whether you are in a relationship, or looking for love this Valentine’s Day, the important thing to remember is that women enjoy being sought after. It’s all about the chase.

This is an easy step to conquer if you are on the single side of things: you met someone earlier this week, you exchanged numbers (maybe texted back and forth); you look her up on facebook, find out where she works, then show up with flowers and ask her to “be mine” or whatever.

Remember, COURTING is just a fancy old fashion word for STALKING! (Halloween)

Remember, COURTING is just a fancy old fashion word for STALKING! (Halloween)

She may resist, or she may seem like she is not interested, but don’t be fooled! This is called “playing hard to get”. It just means she wants to be courted like in olden times and the days of yore. This is where a truly dedicated romantic will lay it on thick. Follow her. Show up randomly every place she goes. Present her with various gift throughout the day. Always be one step ahead of her, this way you’re always ready to open doors. She may think that you are sweet and thoughtful and agree to a Valentine’s date; or she may think that you are annoying and trying way too hard, but will agree to the date just so you stop pestering her – either way it’s a win!

Secret Admirer notes are classic!

Secret Admirer notes are classic!

Maybe you’re shy and would rather admire her from a distance. This is where you play the “secret admirer” card. This card can also be played by those of you who are already in relationships, and are looking to spice things up with an unexpected chase element. Instead of texts, leave anonymous notes. Instead of showing up with flowers, leave them on the hood of her car. Instead of opening doors, leave her a mystery key and let her find the door herself. Don’t forget the element of surprise- a good chase always has a surprise. While she’s trying to figure out who the secret admirer is, you’ll be breaking into her apartment to set up the next phase of this unforgettable date.

"Surprise!" (The Shining)

“Surprise!” (The Shining)

This holiday is about classic romance, and returning to a simpler time, back when men really had to work at it. It’s not as difficult as you may think. Remember, courting is just a fancy old fashion word for stalking.

THE ATMOSPHERE
It’s important to create the ideal atmosphere when preparing to woo your mate. Make sure to really give it some thought. You will want the mood to reflect your passion, but also appeal to her interests. Consider decor for example; does she like flowers?

By the lake, under the stars- atmosphere is everything! (Jaws)

By the lake, under the stars- atmosphere is everything! (Jaws)

Huey Lewis, Phil Collins, Whitney Houston - mood music! (American Psycho)

Huey Lewis, Phil Collins, Whitney Houston – mood music! (American Psycho)

Would rose petals be a nice touch? Are you setting a table for a more classy display? Or is she outdoorsy and interested in a romantic picnic? The beach is another option- blankets, a small bonfire for two, and then skinny dipping in the lake.

Music is something you will want to consider as well. Choose a CD or individual songs of a mellow tone. If you want a more upbeat sound, some smooth jazz featuring those sexy saxophone sounds will do the trick. Another option would be to play the music live, if you are equipped and able. Every girl loves a musician, and it also counts as a great gift.

Gotta love a man who can cook!

Gotta love a man who can cook!

THE MEAL
Cause nothing says lovin’ like a home cooked meal straight out of the oven! Putting the effort into cooking a delicious meal is something that no girl can take for granted. You’ll want to include aromatic delicacies and foods that are considered aphrodisiacs.

Not a very practical meal-to-go. (Bad Taste)

Not a very practical meal-to-go. Far to heavy for a picnic basket (Bad Taste)

A meal is best enjoyed fresh out of the oven, but if you need to cook it in advance and take it on your outing, just make sure you’ve prepared something  versatile enough to eat without fine dining utensils.

Don't rush through dinner-  savor the flavor! (Waxwork)

Don’t rush through dinner- savor the flavor! (Waxwork)

Ignite the senses by including appetizers that you can eat with your fingers. You could also try blind folding your date and feeding her so that she may take in all flavors and aromas with her heightened senses of smell and taste. Romance calls for a sensual experience and dinner is the best place to start.

 

THE ENTERTAINMENT
There are many entertainment options available when planning a date. The aforementioned Skinny Dipping and musical performances are among them, but here are a few more ideas to get your wheels turning.

Musicians are sexy! (Phantom of the Opera)

Musicians are sexy! (Phantom of the Opera)

Watch a movie. While it seems like a modern idea, somewhat out of the realm of classic courtship, it is an easy and safe option when you are planning last minute. Choosing the right film can help set the appropriate mood. A romantic comedy, for example, can help save face if maybe dinner didn’t go as well as you had hoped. Meanwhile, a dramatic romance can help set the mood for where you hoped the evening would go after dinner.  Watching a movie is also considered foreplay in the dating world.

Acupuncture is key in this Romantic Comedy! (Audition)

A sensual massage. Classic right? But maybe this option is a little too out dated. Why not try something new, like acupuncture! It’s a great way to release tension and relax. This will help you reach your ideal comfort level before moving on to the next step.

Rub a dub dub, don't bleed in the tub. (A Nightmare on Elm Street)

Rub a dub dub, don’t bleed in the tub. (A Nightmare on Elm Street)

 

 

Take a romantic bubble bath. Continue appealing to the senses by using sweet smelling oils and salts, and light scented candles because we all look our best in candle light. Of course baths can be long, forcing the evening to progress slowly. There is, however, a much more productive approach.

Wet and wild! (Crash and Burn)

Wet and wild! (Crash and Burn)

Take a shower. Hot and steamy! Now we’re in the fast lane speeding toward pleasure city! This is the best way to get clean and dirty at the same time. Just don’t get too comfortable, you’ll want to consider the consequences before you go dropping any soap.

Board games can be fun! (Witchboard)

Board games can be fun! (Witchboard)

 

 

Play a Game. This is a good way to lighten the mood if things are moving a little too fast for you. Board games, card games, video games, these are all excellent ways to have a few laughs and really bond with each other. And we all know what comes after bonding…

Don't forget the safe word! (Hellraiser)

Don’t forget the safe word! (Hellraiser)

Bondage. If this is a first date, then this could definitely be a deal breaker. But for long term couples, this is a guaranteed way to end a perfect evening. If you don’t already have leather and chains, they would make a great gift!

"But wait! I got this for you!" A chainsaw is a very practical gift.  (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre)

“But wait! I got this for you!” A chainsaw is a very practical gift.
(The Texas Chainsaw Massacre)

 

 

 

GIFTS
Some people prefer useful gifts, things they can use in day to day life. I fall into this category for sure. I’m not one for expensive jewelry and or electronics, and I hate to shop so gift cards are out of the question. But I definitely love receiving household appliances or anything I can use to make life easier.

Hypoallergenic AND homemade! (The Human Centipede)

Hypoallergenic AND homemade! (The Human Centipede)

A pet is something most girls would enjoy. While it’s a sweet gesture, it also appears to them as a sign that you are ready for a bigger commitment. Taking care of a pet together is a huge step, so be sure to think about that first. Also allergies can be a problem, so do your research and make sure your gift isn’t going to kill anyone. If a pet is too much, then just make something. Homemade gifts are just as special!

Throw a singles dinner party and let your freak flag fly! (Freaks)

Throw a singles dinner party and let your freak flag fly! (Freaks)

ALTERNATIVES
So maybe you’re single and would like to mingle, but not necessarily with just one person. You could throw a singles dinner party! Although the idea is great, these things never quite turn out the way you want them to. I mean if you knew a plethora of interesting single people, you wouldn’t be planning this party. Even so, it’s a fantastic way to get all your love-challenged friends together to piss and moan about how much you hate love and the people who celebrate it.

Valentine's Day web chats are clothing optional! (V/H/S)

Valentine’s Day web chats are clothing optional! (V/H/S)

Maybe you aren’t single, but you are unable to wine and dine your partner because of your long distance relationship. Regardless, you still have to put in the effort. This is where old fashioned courtship is out, and modern technology is in. Webcam it up; Be fun, creative and sexy; make some sort of weird Parisian back drop, throw on a beret, and feast on baguettes and cheese while you talk in a fake french accent. It’s the thought that counts.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

Ali

Co-editor for The Blood Theatre, Ali is also a contributing writer for www.geekchicelite.com and enjoys playing Call of Duty and absolutely everything about the 80′s.

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