Written & Directed By: S. William Hinzman
S. William Hinzman
Leslie Ann Wick
It was three in the morning on a warm April night the first time I saw “Flesheater”. I was sitting on the floor in my small apartment with my friend — both of us delusional, hysterical, warped out of our minds on strong rum and sleep deprivation. Too exhausted to move, and too burned out to sleep, I scoured my DVD collection for something to throw on the television and blindly pulled Flesheater off the shelf. We looked at the DVD and realized it was still unopened. “Should we give it a chance?” my friend asked. “Why not?” I thought, “A good zombie film may be the perfect way to bring this twisted evening to completion.” The sun would be up soon, but until then, we were going to mix fresh drinks and experience a movie that was new to both of us.
We shut off the lights and the TV came to life — violent red letters blared across the screen: “…this EVIL which will take FLESH and BLOOD from thee and turn all ye unto EVIL…” The next thing we knew we were smack dab in the middle of the woods, surrounded by 1980s teenagers, underage drinking, and bad dancing. However, the redeeming quality to the film was the atmosphere — much like Savini’s “Night of the Living Dead” remake, the overall feel of the film was spot on.
A few minutes into the movie, a farmer uncovered an ancient burial ground in his field: a stone (bearing the same warning that appeared in those firey red letters before the film began) and a full length coffin bound by a chain and padlock. Exasperated, he angrily mutters the words “Damn college kids” as he proceeds to break the padlock and pry open the dusty coffin. “Damn college kids?” I repeated outloud, “This stupid fucker is about to unleash a zombie plague!”
Had the man taken my advice, perhaps the carnage that was to ensue could have been avoided. But alas he did not, and instead he freed the Flesheater (Bill Hinzman) from the grave. After that, it didn’t take long for the zombie horde to grow: the zombie farmer bit another, who bit another, and soon the remaining teenagers were forced to find shelter in an abandoned house.
Sound familiar? It should, as the entire film proceded to unfold in a way highly remeniscent of George Romero’s original “Night of the Living Dead.” Hinzman, who stars as the Flesheater and also serves as director, was essentially giving himself a part where he could once again be a badass, flesh feasting zombie that on numerous occasions got a handful of naked lady flesh as well. But what can I say — he plays the role well, and in addition to that his directorial skills are decent. Flesheater turned out to be not a bad film at all — daresay even a good zombie flick.
But that’s as far into it I’m going to get. It’s worth a rental — and if you’re fortunate to a score a copy of the well-priced “Zombie Pack 2” DVD collection, you’ll find a copy of Flesheater inside (along with Burial Ground and Zombie Holocaust, making it a decent addition to your shelf).
Expect to be entertained, just don’t expect to be amazed by the intelligence of the characters. I mean, if I knew it was a bad idea to open up a padlocked coffin bearing a menacing inscription, even while blitzed on alcohol and lacking sleep in the worst ways possible, it’s a safe assumption that the film operates according to the idiot plot.