Tag Archives: top 10

myerskills

Top 10: Michael Myers Kills

We had intended to do this list and have it posted in October in an attempt to get people excited to watch the Halloween series; however, we got way too excited for Halloween ourselves, and rather than write anything, we just watched a lot of films and used all of our spare time to prepare for our party.

I just want to point out that this list has a severe SPOILER ALERT! We try to be good about these things and on occasion we slip up and blurt a detail we shouldn’t, but this list is all spoilers. So if you haven’t seen the films please stop here and go rent them right now! Have you been living under a rock!?


THROTTLE AND SLICE
(HALLOWEEN)

On her way to pick up Ol’ Jerko, lovable and sarcastic Annie dumps the Wallace kid across the street with Laurie then proceeds to her car only to find that it is locked. She returns to the house to find her keys, fixes her hair and heads back out to the car. Out of habit she reaches for the handle and doesn’t give a second thought to the fact that the door is now unlocked. She gets in and notices the foggy windows. There is a brief look of confusion on her face before Michael jumps out of the back seat and begins to strangle her slowly. Annie struggles and manages to reach the horn, blasting it several times, it’s enough to get little Tommy Doyle’s attention. Michael then tightens his grip and stops her struggle with a swift slice across her throat. Annie slowly falls forward, eyes crazed, as her last breath escapes through her fresh gaping neck wound. [Ali]


DROPPED CALL
(HALLOWEEN)

Linda totally convinces Annie to let her and Bob come over to the Wallace’s house so they can totally go at it. When they arrive to find the house empty, they totally make themselves at home and occupy the Wallace’s bed. When all is said and done Linda orders Bob to get her a beer and on his way he gets totally killed. Seconds later, Michael totally appears in the upstairs bedroom disguised as Bob disguised as a ghost. After Linda realizes that she totally can’t get Bob’s ghost, she decides to call Laurie and find out what’s up with our missing friend Annie. Michael approaches from behind, grabs the phone from her hand and totally strangles her with the cord, all the while Laurie listens on the other end. At first assuming it’s a joke, then after Linda’s last few wails Laurie decides to totally go over and investigate. [Ali]


HOT TUB HIJINX
(HALLOWEEN 2)

Ol’ Bud needs some therapy for his finger and sassy nurse Karen is going to be the one to give it to him…or so we think. They head down to the hospital hot tub for a quick soak. It gets hot pretty quick, almost too hot…and of course I’m talking about the water. Bud hops out to check the temperature while Karen decides she’s no longer in the mood. As she dries herself, Bud is strangled on the other side of the glass doors behind her. Michael turns the temperature way up into the danger zone and enters the room. He approaches Karen from behind and places a hand on her shoulder. Karen, assuming its Bud, caresses and nibbles his hand and explains that she has to get back to work. She asks him “Do you want to go for breakfast later?” Michael is stunned by this because no one has ever asked him to go to breakfast before. In fact no one even cares what he eats; he probably has a terrible diet. He tears his hand away and when Karen turns around he unleashes his rage. He takes her by the hair and dunks her head into the tub, repeatedly bringing her up for air and screams. Each time he lifts her head from the water her face shows more and more burn damage. Finally he forces her under and holds her there until her lungs fill with scalding water and her body goes limp. He pulls her out and drops her to the floor. The final shot shows her wet, frightened, third degree burned face of death. Oh and we see boob. That’s some hawt shit right there! [Ali]


THUMB DRIVE
(HALLOWEEN 4: THE RETURN OF MICHAEL MYERS)

 Who transfers a seemingly induced mass murderer from the loony bin with nothing but a couple of leather pieces strapping him to a gurney on a dark and rainy night? And then proceed to talk about surviving family members back in hometown Haddonfield? The one thing this mass murderer is destined to exterminate? Get thee to family members. Must kill. Off with the straps! Those passengers were all doomed that night. Pay special notice to the guy who suffered a cringing THUMB DRIVE through his forehead. Proceed with headache jokes. Try fixing that with Advil, ha! Etc. [Ames]


PITCHFORKIN’
(HALLOWEEN 5: THE REVENGE OF MICHAEL MYERS)

The barn scene. We have a couple of cute lasses in pretty red Halloween costumes cuddling up with kittens in a hay filled barn. Everything is delightful! Blond girl runs off with blond guy because I guess now is the time to copulate. As things get heated, Michael Myers comes in with something even more uncomfortable than the prickly hay underneath them. Blond guy gets PITCHFORK IN THE BACK… during copulation. I hope the kittens are okay. Last we saw them, they were playing in blood.  [Ames]


GOUGE AND GRIND
(HALLOWEEN 6: THE CURSE OF MICHAEL MYERS)

Michael follows his niece Jamie Lloyd to a remote farm. She continues to run and attempt to hide from him even though she knows she won’t get out of this alive. Michael finds her in the barn, approaching her slowly, and then shoves her hard into a piece of menacing farm equipment. Sharp rods impale her torso, leaving her unable to move from the waist down. With what is left of her energy she slowly reaches her arms out to Michael, hoping he will have a sudden change of heart…oh wait, what’s this? He too reaches his arms out to her and slowly steps forward. This is it, the moment he realizes that he wants to be loved… Gotcha! He has always had a sick sense of humour like that. With his arms reaching forward he shoves her harder into the equipment, causing further impalement and making her almost completely immobile. With her head teetering back and forth she mutters something, probably about her baby but I wasn’t listening as I was too enthralled with what was about to happen. Our silly lovable Michael then does what he does best, he turns the farm equipment on and the spiked rods piercing through her gut start to spin and grind her gory flesh. Michael then heads out to her truck to get the baby, but Jamie had outsmarted him and stashed the baby at the train station. And so begins another ‘search and destroy’ killing mission on the poor town of Haddonfield. [Ali]


BLIND AND BUTCHERED
(HALLOWEEN 6: THE CURSE OF MICHAEL MYERS)

 Although it’s an off-screen kill, in this Halloween, they have finally captured one of my greatest personal fears that I will share with you now. I’ve played this scene over and over in my head.  A violent serial murderer is chase-stalking me. In a fit of fear and frenzy, I trip to the ground and my GLASSES FALL OFF my face. This is exactly what happens to poor mother and housewife Debra Strode. Upon the viewing of the mask after hanging up on her no-good husband, she hurries to the backyard, fights through a maze of clotheslines laden with white sheets only to collapse on hands and knees. The glasses stumble off of her face, paralyzing her in a state of panic. Blindly fiddling for her glasses, she ultimately gets axed by the Shape. Chop! We are left to only imagine her head lopping off as we only see blood spatter amongst a clean white sheet. [Ames]


PAPA DON’T PREACH
(HALLOWEEN 6: THE CURSE OF MICAHEL MYERS)

Another fave kill from Hallowe’en 6 is that of father and husband, John Strode. First, we are forced to watch an awkward breakfast scene in which he needlessly backhands our girl Kara Strode in front of her child. I mean, it’s morning. Who has that type of energy so early? Next, we see him drinking on the job because the wife phoned to call him out on his shit! When John comes home to darkness, where does he try to find the wifey? In the laundry room, of course. The fear on his face after a peak into the blood filled washing machine was almost justice enough. I personally love the shot of Michael Myers mask shining through the sparks as he electrifies John Strode. Ah, it’s like fireworks and Michael is in his glory. The scene gets quite graphic watching the body sizzle and coagulate until he finally EXPLOODDDESSS. [Ames]


SLOW SLICE
(HALLOWEEN H20)

Aren’t we glad the Halloween series spawned current “it” boy Joseph Gordon Levitt? I know what you’re saying; he also played a part in Roseanne. Anyway, I eagerly anticipated this flick coming out and my 13 year old self was already impressed in the first five minutes. The Chordettes ring through “Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream”. It’s dusk. After the neighbourhood bad boys check that Mrs. Robinson’s house is clear – “Look, it’s the boy from The Juror!” I says to my father, the only one who wanted to go with me to the movies – we find out this house was not a random selection. With now dark skies, a flashlight shines upon a Dr. Loomis photo and more importantly, upon a folder boldly stating “Laurie Strode” among missing files! After rushing over next door, all she finds is an ice skate attached to JoGo’s bloody face and the other guy’s dead body falling at the poor cougar as she tries to escape. Just as the red police sirens illuminate the houses, a courageous battle between her and Myers endures. We almost think this wildcat can break away with her thrashing at him and at the window, but ultimately Myers ends with a classic finish: THE SLIT NECK FROM BEHIND. Michael Myers sneaks off in a sleek black car “like in the first movie, eh!” [Ames]


DUMBWAITER FAIL
(HALLOWEEN H2O)

The kids aren’t alright. They stayed home from the camping trip and now they must die. The lights are out and Sarah has gone looking for her boyfriend. “No sex games till after I’ve eaten” she calls out, but poor Charlie can’t hear her cause he’s already taken a knife to the neck. DING the dumbwaiter has reached her floor. She goes over and opens it expecting shenanigans but instead finds Charlie’s lifeless body. Michael appears behind her and in an attempt to flee she climbs into the dumbwaiter, mounting Charlie’s corpse. Michael manages to get a quick slice in, but it’s just flesh wound. The dumbwaiter continues up and when it arrives at its destination, Sarah frantically gets her upper body out. Unfortunately for her, Michael has cut the ropes and the dumbwaiter falls hard on her leg. So hard it severs it to the bone. She pulls herself forward trying to get free as her leg tears open further. Now she crawls slowly across the floor, her leg literally hanging on by a thread (or I guess medically a vein or tendon or something). Michael appears in front of her and she looks up with a face full of tears just as his knife swings down into her spine. Michael displays his love for interior decorating by hanging her on a light so when the others find her body the light illuminates her gutted torso. He really has an eye for these things. [Ali]


In creating this list Ames and I have discovered something about ourselves. First of all, we favour throat slashing in all shapes and forms. And secondly, we seem to really enjoy Halloween 6 even though it is the one I have watched the least. We did not include kills from the Rob Zombie films because they are in a league of their own. One of the best things about Halloween time is the nostalgic feelings and memories of what it’s like to be a kid, before you learned that the monsters and bad guys were scripted and painted. You want to feel the excitement you felt when you got all dressed up, bumping into other creatures in the darkness. You want to remember those original scares. They are the ones that stay with you.

Since Halloween Resurrection didn’t make the cut, we’d like to get it in here at least once. We leave you with this – "Fear is good. Fear is what gives us the feeling of being alive." - Freddie Harris (Busta Rhymes)

We hope you had a great Halloween! We sure did!

feature

Top 10: Stephen King Films

For a while now I have wanted to have a marathon of Stephen King films. I thought it would be great for Ames and I to do a list of our top 10 in order to get us in the mood for such an event. After the last list all I’ve wanted to do is watch High Tension and May. I figure this one can inspire our choices for a Monster Movie Monday.

Once we put our list together and had a look at what we came up with, it was clear that we tend to favor a lot of the late 80’s to 90’s stuff that was at the height of it’s popularity when we were kids. I’m gonna quote Ames now cause I think she really nailed it with her description – “all of our choices are oldschool because we wanted to bring back that warm, fuzzy, nostalgic feeling when the blood on the screen hit our eyes like double rainbows in the sky.” Blood spatter – it’s a beautiful thing.

CHILDREN OF THE CORN (1984)

This happens to be one of my favorite films. First of all, children are scary regardless of their proximity to corn, and I think everyone can agree on that. Back before Linda Hamilton’s face looked like it was melting, she and her doctor man, on their way to who-cares-where, decide to take the scenic route through Nebraska. Meanwhile, one of the eeriest scenes I’ve ever seen in a film is taking place in a coffee shop in the town of Gatlin. When you watch emotionless kids butcher their parents and other elderly townsfolk in cold blood, it doesn’t necessarily scare you as much as it irks you and brings on an increased level of discomfort.

So Linda and Hot-Doc hit a snag on their journey and end up stranded in Gatlin. Bad timing. With no other adults around, they stick out like a sore thumb and instantly become a target for Isaac and his gang of Gatlin gutters. These kids are ruthless, the setting is creepy, and it spawned several sequels in case you wanna keep going back for more.

Remember when you were a kid and you watched this film and then proceeded to draw corn stalk impaled stick figures in an array of different crayon colors?

My favorite character is Malachai. I love to run around in the corn mazes and scream “MALACHAI!” and “OUTLANDER!”. Courtney Gains is one of my favorite actors whom often flies under the radar. Check him out in The ‘burbs,, Back to the Future, Can’t Buy Me Love and he even has a small part in Rob Zombie’s Halloween (he’s not credited on imdb, but he is definitely one of the orderlies and I knew it the second I saw him. He is listed in the credits on the actual film) If I had a cat or a bug or something, I would definitely name it “He Who Walks Behind the Rows”. This movie is freakin’ awesome. [Ali]

THE SHINING (1980)

Stanley Kubrick’s The Shining is my all time favorite Stephen King novel turned movie. Although the movie didn’t cover key elements in the book, Stanley Kubrick captured the intensity and the insanity of ‘cabin fever’. (Ali here, hijacking Ame’s blurb to quickly say that Cabin Fever is also an awesome movie! But do go on…)

Consulting my book-to-movie comparison I wrote for a grade eight school project, it seems that the naked bathtub chick really struck a cord with me. This movie is responsible for the most iconic images we remember in film today:

- Creepy Diane Arbus inspired twins (one smile, one frown)
- Jack Nicholson’s face through a door
- Hallways of blood
- “All work and no play make Jack a dull boy”
- Shelley Duvall’s scared, freaky looking face
- REDRUM
- Hedge Maze in the Winter
- Jack’s frozen face
- The poster of the naked black woman with the afro…
…etc etc!

Kubrick’s grand understanding in lighting and eye level shots create atmosphere, mood and most importantly reality. It’s the realism that shocks us through the spiraling of the characters behaviors (and of course the shots intercut between the current reality and that of the freaky ghost past accompanied by blood floods).

Where else can you find a movie where a black chef (R.I.P. Scatman Crothers) and a little white suburban boy share a rare and fantastic ability? Or find Jack Nicholson’s best performance and range of beautiful to scary face? This flick has it all! [Ames]

CUJO (1983)

Every time I say Cujo, I say it to the tune of “Koodoo”, how annoying is that? I’m doing it in my head right now… Anyway, I had never seen this film up until about a year ago. As a kid, dogs terrified me, so I definitely experienced some flashback moments of being forced into my back yard to spend quality time with the dog I was given for graduating kindergarten… a German Shepard named Max (more like Mad Max) I wonder if my mother is reading this and if so, why mom? WHY?!

This film is super intense. Who would have ever thought a St. Bernard to be frightening? The disgusting slime that collects on his lower lip and drips off in thick un-breaking strands is so disgusting it makes you want to gag. You feel so bad for it, but you also want it to die. It really plays with your emotions…

The thought of not being able to protect your children is terrifying for parents and Dee Wallace does a fantastic job of showing how a parent’s fear can cause them to break down and snap on their children, regardless of how much they try to hold it together.

There are so many horror/thriller/sci-fi films that involve animals and the reason this concept can work so well is that animals are so unpredictable. Humans and creatures can be too, but animals have the ability to pull sympathy from you regardless of the harmful things they do because they are helpless and do not know any better…like children….

They say that when it comes to film and television, child actors and animals are the most difficult to work with – THIS IS WHY! They are freakin’ creepy as hell and this dog is an epic giant that makes even the friendliest of dogs seem evil.

So when he looks up at the camera with his old man sad eyes and tries to plead for you, the audience, to help him- Don’t fall for it! He’s a damn liar and he’s just going to bite your face off! [Ali]

SLEEPWALKERS (1992)

OMG CATS. Omgomgomgomg I love cats soooooo much. Kittens are okay… but give me a cat any day! A full grown adult cat. And you get plenty of these in Sleepwalkers.

Other special touches include appearances by Stephen King, Clive Barker, Glen Shadix, Ron Perlman AND OMG a cute cat named Clovers, which I believe to be the star of this show.

 I’m not sure if this was supposed to be a completely tacky flick or if the cast and crew gave up and realized the story was pure silliness.

 We have a new blond high school boy in town. Watch out for this tomcat. He’s some kind of cat-man breed. And he’s out of Kitten Kaboodle! He’s out to seek a virgin to survive off her blood. Human blood survival? I thought that was vampires or mosquitos? Can’t they think of something else for the cat people? Why are their reflections of alien like creatures? If our eyebrows weren’t raised enough, we get to watch him make out with his mom. Oh and apparently they are in rivalry with actual cats.

 To go with this bizarre mutation, even his car has to transform. The car mutates from a blue t-roof Pontiac Trans Am into a red Ford Mustang convertible… not even the same make?! I guess nothing has to make sense at this point.

 I’m not sure if I recommend this movie per say, I just love all of the cat shots. A lawn filled with cats in front of the cat-people house is my favourite image in this movie. OOooo they best watch out.

CATS WIN EVERY TIME.

In your face, cat people! [Ames]

CREEPSHOW (1982)/CREEPSHOW 2 (1987)

Creepshow, inspired by EC Comics, is made up of 5 horror shorts. It showcases the collaborative efforts of Stephen King and George A. Romero and the second one has Michael Gornick directing. I love Creepshow because it seems like the absolute perfect movie to see at the drive-in. For me, horror shorts can be more fun than a feature length because it just gets to the point. You have fun with it, it’s done, you move on to the next one. There is no time for them to screw it up or disappoint. It’s like hearing stories around a campfire. There is just something so classic about it.

The collaboration doesn’t stop at the writing and directing. The list of amazing actors that make up the cast is extremely impressive. Hal Holbrook, Ted Danson, Ed Harris, Leslie Neilson, Adrienne Barbeau and Tom Savini to name a few.

Everyone has a favorite tale of terror within this movie and I had to include Creepshow 2 because my favorite is actually The Raft. Don’t get me wrong, I love the first Creepshow, The Crate and Something to Tide You Over are my definite favorites there, but The Raft just reminds me so much of 70’s/80’s horror like Friday the 13th mixed with something classic like The Blob. It’s just got that campy, stupid teenagers are gonna die type of vibe that gets me every time.

*Side note: I really enjoy the formula of this film so it’s easy for me to love newer films in this style such as Trick’r’Treat as well as other collaborations like Grindhouse and Masters of Horror. You gotta love people coming together for the greater good of scaring the shit out of you. [Ali]

IT (1990)

If you were a kid in the 90’s, you had to rent this flick as a two-part VHS (originally made-for-tv-movie). If you were a patient child like me, you could actually sit through it… and I did as if I were watching paint dry on an abandoned, dilapidated barn. I found this flick very intriguing and by the end, it always left me a little off for the day. In this, I find success.

The part I could relate to at the time is the fact the story is based around a crew of kids. IT inspired me and my crew at the time to play make-believe based around killer clowns. We ranged from having an intense fear of clowns to glorifying them. We would take turns pretending to be a killer clown or its victim. Ohhh memories! If you meet someone who has some bizarre fear or fascination with clowns, I will place my bets this movie *could* be responsible.

Stephen King often writes from children’s perspectives and the differences of our minds as we grow into adults. IT captures King’s child to adult comparative. We see the adult versions of the crew with their new lives, jaded attitudes and formalities. Maybe that’s the scary part of the movie… you know other than ♥Tim Curry♥ running around in a clown suit murdering people.

What keeps this movie playing is our craving to see that freak face one more time! [Ames]

THE MANGLER (1995)

Machines can be frightening. Especially when they are back-lit. More especially when you have a step-father who lost fingers to a machine at his factory job. You can’t sit there and tell me that you’ve never quickly pulled your hands away from an electronic device for fear that it might shock you or suck in your hand…damn vacuum cleaners.

This is yet another great one from my youth, probably rented during a 9th grade slumber party. Man, were we ever blood hungry teens -a different breed from the sparkly vampire lovers of today.

Directed by Tobe Hooper and starring Robert Englund and Ted Levine, this movie is about an old laundry factory and its demonic machinery. The only thing this possessed folding machine wants to fold is your skeletal system. This machine feeds on the blood of its innocent workers and instills a fear strong enough to keep them doing as they are told. This makes the boss’ job a lot easier, well except for having to keep the machine well fed with fresh meat. Mmmmmmm steamed flesh, delicious.

This demon machine will not stop no matter how much mechanical work and exorcisms you throw at it. It’s got a mind of its own and it’s not long before it gets tired of waiting around to be fed and goes out into the world to hunt for itself. Yeah it seems pretty weird to visualize a machine getting up and walking away if you haven’t seen the movie, but I assure you, it makes perfect sense. [Ali]

THINNER (1996)

This movie might not have the best lighting, setting or editing but it does have gypsies, curses and Joe Mantegna (aka Fat Tony from The Simpsons – if you grew up in my decade). The flick starts off with a young gypsy brunette showing off her cleavage, panties and her middle finger. Sometimes she spits in anger. I have a good feeling about this.

 Billy (Robert John Burke, aka Robocop), a successful and happy lawyer with a wife and daughter, has a little bit of weight problem. He’s 300 something pounds and he can’t stop thinking about food. On a drive home one evening, his wife tries to stray his mind from the gluttonous and towards bringing his sexy back. Billy, fuzzy minded from the sexual daze, accidentally hits an old gypsy woman while his wife was going down on him. Windshield wipers slide her gypsy blood back and forth. (Not that the wipers were on before this scene.) P.S. Before walking in front of the car, the gypsy woman *was* stealing from the local pharmacy. And right in front of the pharmacist, played by Stephen King himself! Us King fans get giddy when he shows up in own stories.

 This case gets thrown out as an accident and life is happy again… but the gypsy’s father is less than impressed. Why is he the father of this woman by the way? I thought it was his wife or even his mother! Damn, she was old.  When I was 12 enjoying this flick, I remember the shivers down my spine watching the old gypsy man’s hand slither across Billy’s face, cursing the word ‘Thinner’. The judge as well had been cursed, but with the word ‘Lizard’. So now we have a skinny guy and a lizard man running about town.

At first, the weight loss for Billy seemed great, but this ain’t no Jenny Craig diet. He withers away and becomes a paranoid, angry and spiteful character. We watch his body become emaciated as he seeks vengeance/sympathy from the gypsy man, demanding to lift the curse. There is a way to lift this curse but it isn’t pretty. Let’s just say, this movie begins with eating and ends in eating.

 The transformation of his body is definitely enticing to watch. Even in personality, he was much happier when he was fat…

 Notation: My favourite scene is in a men’s wear shop when the tailor seems to be more than excited to fit him for new clothing. The tailor bends down to his belt, exclaiming “Well, let’s do it!” as he licks his lips. [Ames]

PET SEMETERY (1989)

Stephen King must really hate animals and children ‘cause here he goes again making you want to kill them.

When I was a kid, myself and other kids would go on and on about how scary this movie was. I think it’s mainly because, for a kid, it’s easy to relate to the sadness of losing your favorite pet and the idea of how wonderful it could be to bring it back. So you’re watching the movie, your little 8 year old eyes widening with joy as “Church” the Creed family’s cat comes back to life to rejoin their family. But good ol’ Church doesn’t seem to be the same. He seems a little creepy. Then BAM! The little boy is hit by a truck and your sitting there stunned because you’re 8 and didn’t expect to see anything like that. Didn’t that just rattle your bones? I think this was the first time I had ever seen a child killed in a movie.

So now you’re watching this grief stricken family fall apart- the zombie cat has become a terror, the mother is slowly going crazy-seeing images of her creepy sister who died a billion years ago, the little girl just wont shut up and poor dad has to deal with it all. So why not try to make it better by burying baby Gage in the magic pet cemetery that brought ol’ Churchy back to life? Really? Why not? Because he will fucking kill you!

You buried your baby in the soils of hell and now he’s back and he has a new daddy and his name is Satan. This guy never learns. Death makes things fall apart, but that’s life… or death… or whatever. Bottom line is you can’t tamper with it. You’re messing with fate and fate bites back. So to make matters worse, now your kid has to die again and this time, you have to be the one to kill him. That blows man, that really blows.

This was the movie that made the name “Gage” so popular at my high school. Teen moms love watching movies that make their parenting skills seem superior. [Ali]

CARRIE (1976)

This movie gives us blood, blood and more blood.

How would you handle annoying high school girls tantalizing you on the first day of your period? “PLUG IT UP PLUG IT UP PLUG IT UP”

Bitches had it comin’.

This film could have been a bad teen horror if it got into the wrong hands; luckily it didn’t and Brian De Palma is successful in portraying Stephen King’s complicated character Carrie. Sheltered under an overbearing, oppressive, religious single mother, Carrie is easily a socially awkward teen, oblivious about life in general. She has all of the ingredients to become the school outcast.

As all outcasts harbour vengeance, we can’t wait to see the outcome of all of the characters we love to loathe in Carries life. Thankfully she inhabits super telekinetic powers to use to her advantage and entertain us with ideas on how she will draw blood. “With great power, comes great responsibility.” I don’t think Carrie heard that one.

Carrie, in the end, does not utilize her powers for love, good or the pursuit of happiness. She is a confused, rebellious and angst filled teen with newfound powers, that if set off the edge just one more time…! As you know, prom is a big deal to some chicks. All Carrie just wanted to do was have a nice time with a nice boy and prove to her mother that nobody would laugh at her. This is taken away from her because of John Travolta and his pigs’ blood. Blood on ma dress, say what! We watch the horror and infamous split screening of Carries vengeful face amongst screaming dying teens. Vengeance had!

Every child, that’s right, child, needs to see this movie. This movie needs to be on the front lines of the Anti-Bullying campaign. Watch what happens when you’re rude to someone. Oh and maybe avoid prom… [Ames]

 —

Now we almost didn’t go through with this list because Horrornews.net just posted one and as a fan of their site we did not want to seem like we are taking our cues from them; However, our list is a little different and Ames and I often favor films that pile on the cheese. So if you don’t agree with our list, that’s totally cool, there’s a good chance you might dig theirs! Check it out – http://horrornews.net/39884/top-10-stephen-king-films-of-all-time/?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter

Hugs and Killings,

Ames & Ali

feature

Top 10: Romantic Horror Films

Sometimes you want to laugh, sometimes you want to cry, but when you are a horror fan the most important thing is that someone always has to die! Luckily for us, there are a lot of great horror films that play with the elements of other genres – comedy, drama, romance, thriller, sci-fi and even the family film genre.

You’re stuck on that last one aren’t you? Wondering what films I could possibly be talking about? Well, we will let it linger for a bit and compare notes later. Let’s just focus on one genre at a time.

The following list is for you hopeless romantic horror fans looking for the perfect date flick. Just make sure it’s not a first date… I guess if she’s an awesome chick then it won’t matter, but let’s face it – we’re a rare breed.

TOP TEN ROMANTIC HORROR FILMS (in no particular order)

DANCE OF THE DEAD (2008)

Okay I lied. There is so a particular order as I particularly placed this film first. It’s a personal fave of mine. Every teen girl dreams about their high school prom, or pretends not to in order to seem cool. What could be more romantic? Well to this former teen girl the answer would be ZOMBIE PROM.

If this movie were around when I was a teenager I would have based my entire prom experience around it. The flowing dress ripped at the bottom to expose my badass combat boots. No ridiculous corsages, instead I would have fashioned a ninja star launcher that shoots from my wrist when I make a fist. Well that last part isn’t really in the movie but look how inspired I am! Basically this film has everything you could ask for – Zombies launching out of graves and giving chase, bad ass nerds and
brave cheerleaders, actual guitar heroes, insane teachers, violence, blood, guts, and gore, but most importantly LOVE.

Most teenage boys don’t want to go to prom anyway, so why bother going when there’s a good chance your fellow classmates are undead and waiting to devour your face? Why, to save your high school sweetheart of course! Actually, the sweetheart was busy making out with some other dude at the cemetery, but hey, there are more important things going on! No sense in dwelling on who did what. Instead they all work together and set out to save the prom! Plus two zombies totally make out hardcore.

It’s campy, it’s fun, it’s my romantic number one. <3 [Ali]

ZOMBIE HONEYMOON (2004)

Life after prom. You were warned, but you went and married your high school sweetheart anyway and now you will never get to experience life on your own and grow and become your own person. You might as well be dead. There I go expressing my feelings toward people who have been together since high school. Really doesn’t have anything to do with this review…

So this isn’t actually a sequel to DANCE OF THE DEAD, but it is the next logical step in the romantic timeline. But really? Zombies getting married? Talk about your white wedding. Actually in this film the characters are very much alive on their wedding day, and like at most weddings, they promise to love honor and cherish till death do they part. While that’s a great theory and probably true of most marriages, in this case – not so much. I don’t want to reveal too much but basically this film shows just how strong the bonds of love can be. Not as strong as zombie venom, but strong enough protect, provide, and to stand by the lump of rotting flesh you married while it tries very hard not to rip the limbs from your body shove the warm bloody flesh into it’s gaping face-hole.

Seriously though, there is a very touching reason that this film was made. So even if it’s not your cup of tea, it means a whole hell of a lot to the writer and his sister. Definitely check it out.

Side note: Yes zombie venom. What else would you call it? [Ali]

 

LET THE RIGHT ONE IN (2008)

What else is there to say? It’s right there in the title!

Okay so there are several reasons why this is a great romantic horror, but it’s also just fantastic over all. Let me start by saying that women love a beautiful fluffy snowfall. This film is full of gorgeous evening snow shots that make you want to curl up next to someone and get all warm and cozy. So you’re cuddling right? ‘Cause the next thing you know blood is flying across the screen and splattering over the earth’s white blanket causing your lady love to grip tighter and pull closer… unless she’s like me in which case blood hitting snow is the most beautiful thing she has ever seen and she is now perched on the edge of her seat becoming one with the film, and
you, my friend, no longer exist.

Anyway… maybe romance isn’t the best way to describe it as the characters are only12 years old, but the bond between them and the things they are willing to do for each other go beyond the borders of a regular friendship and quite possibly display a basic idea of romance that most women never experience. And guys, who wouldn’t want their woman to revenge kill for them? Seriously. [Ali]

 

AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON (1981)

So Rick Baker is super hot. As someone with a background in special effects make- up you best believe that he was, and always will be, my career crush – if there is such a thing. (Speaking of THE THING, Rob Bottin is a close second. Noting their similar appearances at the time, it seems I grew up in the wrong decade). There is just something about the relationship of the make-up artist and his/her work that is, in a
way, romantic. Maybe it’s the use of ones hands to create life, or maybe it’s just me. The wolf, its transitions, and Jack’s decaying corpse are so perfect and gorgeous how could you not fall in love?

Make-up aside, this film becomes romantic when David awakes in the hospital and is put in the care of Nurse Price. They fall in love, naughty montage, yadda, yadda, yadda, and now he must battle his inner wolf to protect her and the rest of London. It really puts an interesting spin on the idea that only true love can set you free. Also, EXCELLENT soundtrack!

Side note: I would just like to add that Kurt Russell is also super hot in John Carpenter’s THE THING as well as James Brolin in THE AMITYVILLE HORROR. I really do have a type. This could be a whole other list – “The Hotties of Horror”…oh yes it’s happening. [Ali]

 

MARY SHELLEY’S FRANKENSTEIN (1994)

I would like to continue to romanticize the idea of creation and the ability to do so. Think about how much love it must take to dedicate yourself to a craft, allowing it to overpower and consume you.

In this film you have a man creating out of mourning and longing; a creature born of scientific creation in search of acceptance and love; the creature’s desire to create a companion to escape loneliness and solitude; murderous revenge; and creation again caused by the loss of love. Hatred spawns from love and revenge spawns from both. Maybe if they stopped spawning they would all be happier, but things aren’t that simple and so life goes on, and on, and on…

This film is sad, creepy, dark, and damp yet still so beautiful in everything that it represents – Life. We are humans, flawed by our emotions, so we turn them off and play God. Love is so messed up.

Side note: The make-up is fantastic and I must mention that it was cast by Priscilla John (THE PILLARS OF THE EARTH) whom I admire and the screenplay co-written by Frank Darabont – so the younger generation who may not have seen this film but enjoy THE WALKING DEAD and Frank’s other work should check it out. [Ali]

 

THE LOST BOYS (1987)

“Unchain me sister, love is with your brother” Gerard McMann sings in the opening credits. But don’t worry folks; I’m not here to engage you on a journey of incest. Let’s save that for some V.C. Andrews fan to discover. Under a killer soundtrack, ‘The Lost Boys’ takes us out for a romantic stroll of blood sucking, low-lit shots and Jim Morrison references.

Lucy (Diane Weist), a newly divorcee, moves her and her family to Santa Carla, California where she is on the prrrowl! Snatching a date while at the local video store (score!) will find this milf into a heated mess. Watch the story unfold between her and the romance she craves while trying to juggle her finances and unruly children.

The whole family seems to be smitten… or perhaps… bitten! Moments into the movie we watch Lucy’s eldest son Michael (Jason Patric) lock eyes on to Star (Jami Gertz). During this scene the only source of light is FIRE reflecting off of a beefy saxophone rockstar; you know the rest of this story to be of true love.

My favourite love story in this vamp classic is that of the youngest son Sam (Corey Haim, R.I.P.). His love for comics bring us back to a time of childlike wonder and love for the unknown. Sam and the crew he meets (starring the other Corey) passionately try to out the head vamp applying skills they had only read in the comics.

If you don’t care for these characters, you will be indulged by the vampires. Sexy vampire David (Keifer Sutherland) with the rest of the lost boys on their motorcycles had teens rippin’ their shirts off in the 80’s (things Ali and I had only wished for if we grew up in that decade). The vamp boys frolic about such as ‘the lost boys’ did in Peter Pan, expressing their freedom and showcasing their bad boy image.

Watching the life-to-vamp changing of Michael and his love lust for Star keeps our arms and legs inside this ride (or with your partner). Joel Shumacher successfully delivers a suspenseful, eerie and romantic affair.

Do not suggest: TWILIGHT: not enough low-lit shots or sunny days in Cali; lack of eye locking cut in between a shot of an over-tanned ‘roids induced sax player; too many sparkles. [Ames]

 

HIGH TENSION/HAUT TENSION (2003)

First of all, it’s French. So it already sounds so much sexier than every other movie. Okay so maybe we gain a point for sounding sexy, but we lose one for making you have to read subtitles… back to zero.

How about this – Girl love. We’ve talked about the romances between men and women but now we get to see what romance is like between women and women. It’s not warm, and gentle and soft-core. It’s brutal, and violent and filled with such rage!

If you haven’t seen it I wont give anything away, well other than the lesbianism. Marie is in love with Alex, we knew it from the moment we saw them together and if you didn’t it’s because you don’t watch enough movies because you are a pretentious jerk who thinks you are better than everyone else! Anyway, after Alex’s family is murdered in the middle of the night, Marie tries to protect her and escape only to come up against the villain several times. There is so much blood and it is stunning, in both ways the word stunning can be interpreted.

Moral of the story – Ladies, beware of your best friend harboring an all consuming love for you, it may cause you to be stalked by a maniac! This is the kind of situation I have been anticipating for years with Ames. It hasn’t happened yet, but fingers crossed! [Ali]

 

DRACULA (1992)

Not only the best vampyre love story but the ultimate love story of our time is that of Dracula. Set in Victorian era England, I finally have a reason to use this spelling of “vampyre”. A novel written through a series of letters by Bram Stoker, director Francis Ford Coppola paints us an image of splendid sets, gorgeous garments and colourful characters.

Despite the hilarity of Keanu Reeves saying he is “impotent with fear” ¾ of the movie; I swear this is the best love-horror story. And yeah right Keanu, you spent your whole time “paralyzed” in the castle having orgies with Dracula’s glorious whores. I’m sure you were all but impotent. Sorry, I mean, Jonothan Harker, the lawyer Keanu plays.

Moving on…

A time before computers and texting ruined our love lives, we had to
long for our loved ones. Dracula waited for centuries. How many men can say that? Not too many. Power of love? I think so. His slaying of many Turks during his human years isn’t going to turn this guy into a sensitive sally. The feasting of blood to keep alive is pure sustenance. Vlad will get his Willhelmina back if it’s the last thing to do. We quickly see that the point of this story isn’t about vampyrism, it is about love. This is successfully shown through a series of mood and wardrobe changes for Gary Oldman.

The main two lasses are Mina (Winona Ryder) and Lucy (Sadie Frost). They’re pretty good friends: pretty, pretty, pretty good friends. WIN. They totally share a spontaneous lusting kiss – as any best friend duo would dressed in beautiful Victorian garb, running and dancing amongst a maze of hedges in the rain.

Mina: Breathtaking in every scene. She longs for her lover who is stuck in
Transylvania impotent with fear, yet she is smitten by Dracula himself, experiencing insatiable urges towards him. What’s a gal to do!?

Lucy: If you want another image like that to ROSEMARY’S BABY in which a beastlike figure is on top of a broad, you might find a moment of that in this flick. Also, she bares her tits in every scene.

Prof. Van Helsing (the one and only Anthony Hopkins) grows a passion for justice against the spreading of this wretched vampyrism. This conflicts with the viewers as we already have compassion for Dracula… and we want to see his whores again.

This could be my favourite work of Gary Oldman. He glorifies the personification of, and inhabits every emotion that is, Dracula. Through a series of make-up, costume, clouds, fogs and mirrors, this also helps his point.

If you haven’t seen this yet, please find this flick. Don’t let “1992” deter you. It beats out most current vamp films. It is wonderfully created visually set under a dramatic score with theatre-like acting from an all-star cast.

Also suggests: BLACULA. [Ames]

 

MAY (2002)

So this film actually has all of the above…well except vampires and zombies. There’s men and women, women and women, awkward teenage-like interactions with the opposite sex, and body parts being sewn together to create the perfect companion. Youre typical Satuday night ;)

It’s the story of what Ames’ life would have been if the scale had tipped the other way, but to our disappointment, Ames opted for sanity. Ya can’t win ‘em all! May on the other hand, not so good with the sanity. Feeling like a freak most of her life, things take a turn when she is given the ability to hide her visible flaws. Finally she gets a chance to appear normal, but the thing is, changes on the outside don’t change who you are on the inside. Poor May. Every lover she takes on is able to see through the awkward, harmless exterior to her frightening, unstable interior, and so she is
forced to turn the tables and expose their interiors right back! It really hurts to like someone when they don’t like you back, she wants you to feel her pain.

Failed taglines aside, this film also stars Anna Faris, whom Ames and I both adore. [Ali]

 

BUIO OMEGA (1979)

I had made several lists for this topic and narrowed it down to 10. In doing so I completely changed my mind on many of the choices. This left one space open. Ames and I shot off ideas back and forth, things like CLOVERFIELD, UNDERWORLD, VALENTINE, MY BLOODY VALENTINE, etc… But these films just don’t feel enough like horror to me. I understand that to some, a lot of our choices may be borderline, but we are happy with them. So I racked my brain to think of a really epic, gory, disgusting film that is no doubt horror and keeps within our theme of romance. Well here it is!

BUIO OMEGA is an Italian film from the 70’s. The versions you can find here are dubbed over with English and can fall under alternate titles such as BEYOND THE DARKNESS, THE FINAL DARKNESS, and BLUE HOLOCAUST.

I saw this film for the first time at a friend’s birthday party when I was a mere 14 years old. I don’t know why we were allowed to rent this but we did and it was probably the most wretched thing that any of us had ever seen, and I LOVED it. Some of the girls didn’t stomach it too well, probably had something to do with the fact that we were watching a dude ring out the slop and juices from a woman’s intestine whilst we ate heaping piles of birthday cake. I have not been able to find this film since, but when I do – viewing party with heaping piles of cake!

So this dude lost his mother when he was young and this nasty housemaid looked after him. Then he falls in love with a young woman and the housemaid does not like sharing his attention and takes her out. Devastated, the dude digs up his fiancé, drains her body and stuffs it so she will always be with him. Now he’s already a little unstable so why not go full tilt? He starts picking up random women, and when he realizes they are no replacement for his lost love, he butchers them too. The
taxidermy element is awesomely disturbing. Of course this is insanely romantic, I threaten to do it to Matthew T. all the time! If he kicks the bucket you best believe he will be stuffed and preserved and sitting permanently on the couch so that I can throw on this film as I cuddle with his lifeless body.

Side note: Matthew T. has actually seen this film! I don’t know anyone else who has. [Ali]

So there you have it! If you haven’t noticed, these comments are very personal and what we find romantic may not appeal to everyone. But if this article gives even one person a new reason to check out one of these films then we have done our (un-paid) job. Would that be considered a duty? Yes it was our duty! Offering you a different and slightly female perspective.

Tune in next time for…something else, we just haven’t decided yet cause we are women.